The term objective effectiveness refers to the goal or purpose of the interaction, which often is a tangible outcome. For instance, a woman might want her husband to call her when he will be working late. Relationship effectiveness represents the goal of a conflict-free relationship. In this example, the wife might rank emotional closeness and harmony as her highest priority. Alternately, self-respect effectiveness might be the top priority if this woman feels that his failure to call is disrespectful to her.
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By Identify the Myths in the Way of Objective Effectiveness, it will help you in your interpersonal relationships.
I don’t deserve to get what I want or need.
If I make a request (or If I ask for help), this will show that I am a very weak person.
I have to know whether a person is going to say yes before I make. a request.
If I ask for something or say no, I can’t stand it if someone gets upset with me.
Saying no to a request is always a selfish thing to do.
Making requests is a really pushy (bad, self-centered, selfish, etc.) thing to do.
Saying no to a request is always a selfish thing to do.
I should be willing to sacrifice my own needs for others.
I must be really inadequate if I can’t fix this myself.
Obviously, the problem is just in my head.
If I would just think differently I wouldn’t have to bother everybody else.
If I don’t have what I want or need, it doesn’t make any difference; I don’t care really.
Skilfulness is a sign of weakness.
DEAR - MAN - GIVE - FAST skill
DEAR - MAN - for Objective Effectiveness
D – Describe: Describe the situation in concrete terms and without judgment.
E – Express: Express feelings, conveying to the other party how the situation makes you feel.
A – Assert: Assert your wishes, i.e. clearly state what you do or do not want.
R – Reinforce: Reinforce why the desired outcome is desirable, and reward people who respond positively to the request.
M – Mindful: Be mindful and present in the moment, focused on the current goal.
A – Appear: Appear confident, adopting a confident posture and tone, and maintain eye contact.
N – Negotiate: Be willing to negotiate and give in order to get, with the understanding that both parties have valid needs and feelings
GIVE - for Relationship Effectiveness
G – Gentle: Approach the other party in a gentle and nonthreatening manner, avoiding attacks and judgmental statements.
I – Interested: Act interested by listening to the other person and not interrupting.
V – Validate: Validate and acknowledge the other person’s wishes, feelings, and opinions.
E – Easy: Assume an easy manner by smiling and using a light-hearted, humorous tone.FAST - Self Respect Effectiveness
F – Fair: Be fair to yourself and to the other party, to avoid resentment on both sides.
A – Apologize: Apologize less, taking responsibility only when appropriate.
S – Stick: Stick to your values and don’t compromise your integrity to gain an outcome.
T – Truthful: Be truthful and avoid exaggerating or acting helpless to manipulate others.Citation: GoodTherapy.org, Seiko Ryan Yamashita
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